I beg to differ.

(731): Maybe she gives good head
(615): A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head

This is for real.

"This time I meant it!" lolol.

I listen to people all day long.. talking about marriage and families. I want that with him.
I want to spend every day waking up next to him.
It's not the love where you have the other person reminding you every day about it.
No "I love you"s.
No cute text.
No goodnight phone calls.
Nothing.
It's not mutual. I am in love with someone who isn't in love with me back.
But at least I feel something. At least I know this exists. That after being in love once before, you can be in love again and it can be better than the first time.
I'm older now.
I understand.
Loving him and hoping one day he'll see in me what he used to, is better than telling him and being rejected.
I don't mind this.
As much as this sucks.
As much as not being able to feel this every day and be able to share it sucks.
But I don't mind it.
Lately I've been able to feel his breath, his skin.
And i've enjoyed myself.
So much has happened and we still haven't kissed.
"Means too much." he says.
He's right. It does.
But what I would give to feel his perfect lips.
I know so many people will talk so much shit after reading this.
But I don't give a fuck about you.

I don't know what to do about all of this.
I'm happy that I have feeling again.
Going through the whole watching-myself-not-really-moving-on-my-own thing really brought me down.
But I am alive and well and happy.

Jessica being gone hasn't been great at all.
I need her!
I have Becky and Katie and Patrick.
But I don't have michelle either.
I can't believe I have such high spirits lately.

I'm done smoking after this pack.
I'm done tasting like a cigarette.
I don't even crave them. I smoke them just to smoke them.
Fuuucked up.

I actually mean something to myself for once.
However, It would be nice to mean something to someone for a change.
Well, mean something to someone more than a friend.
I don't know why I miss being in a relationship.
Jordan and I were together on and off for three years.
And when I wasn't with him, I was always with someone.
I never thought of me as someone who needs a relationship.
But I think I am.
Actually, I just need someone to be able to do things for.

"Between Me and you" by Every Avenue has been playing on repeat.
I love Every Avenue and all of the emotions it makes me feel as that whole album plays. Shh, Just Go With It for anyone interested.

I need to go to sleep.
My body is shutting down and it's only 12:45.
sheesh!

Goodnight everyone.
I hope you all are wonderful! :]

I need to update this more often.

Jessica is my best friend.
And I have never meant that more than I do right now.
A couple nights ago she owned the parking lot!
When an ex of mine, who cheated on his girlfriend with me four days prior to this particular night, fucks his girlfriend next to my car... they deserve my best friend pounding on the windows calling them sluts/assholes for a good 3 minutes.
The girlfriend was crying the whole time.
I just want to say, if MY boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's friend was calling me and my boyfriend names, I'd be flipping shit.
And if MY boyfriend's ex girlfriend was yelling about how she gave my boyfriend a blow job 4 days ago, I would have gotten out of the car, naked or not, and kicked the shit out of someone.
But that's just me.
Instead, I'm the ex girlfriend who helped the ex boyfriend cheat on his girlfriend..... right.

You can say Jessica and I are psycho all day long, but fuck it, it was amazing.

Now we're going to shelbyville to get jessica's nose redone.
Last night was so much fun. More fun than Jessica trying to kick some faces.

Ughhh!

Last night was a lot of fun.
Up until I threw up on Jessica's back porch.
Nate was really sweet and hosed it down for me. :D
Thank God my spagetti was digested, that would have been a site to see. Not that apple bits were any better. hahhaa Anyone that reads this is going to think I am digusting... Quit lurking then!
That is the first time that I have ever thrown up like that.
I think the problem was that I was actually drinking Satan.

I haven't updated this in a while.
I need to charge my phone. I think I'll take Jessica's car to go to my house.
Whose brilliant idea was it to only take her car?!

AHH! best news ever!
Becky and I are friends again! :]