Your hand in mine and I've never felt so good.

SAS4L

I don't think I'll ever get over the feel of certain skin.
But I can grow accustom to my own getting thicker.


You and I are like when fire and the ocean floor collide.


Today was nice other than the computer fucking up at work.
I think I might go watch Garden State and then go to sleep soon.
9-5 again tomorrow.
Text me and I'll reply on my break!

I didn't update yesterday!

:D

Things are looking up!

Write all you want about what I do to you.
But keep the part of my life that isn't about you out of your songs.
I'm so fucking pathetic, aren't I?

Last Night.

I would have rather died than woken up without you today.
Well I'm alive and you aren't here.

What am I supposed to do now?
Move on, that's what.

It is the 25th.

But I just got a text saying that Jordan is home..

Did I ever tell anyone that I stopped smoking?
Well I did, a few weeks ago, I gave the rest of my Lights to Yvette.

Off to work, I hope this goes smoothly.

!

I'm on a total Saves The Day kick.
But I can't find my CD so I can only listen to them on my computer. FML.

Jessica and I have a total girls day planned.
Well at least our nails and toes do.

I watched Across the Universe last night!
I hadn't watched it in foreeever.

Pulled An All Nighter.

Reyes needed an iPhone and Randy, Eric and I are really good friends.
But then I had a nap.
I want Michelle right now.
Where is that 8-fingered sex kitten?

Ryan Reynolds is amazing, really.

It's stormy outside and the lights keep flickering.
Eek!

I want to go do somethingggg!

It is best if you don't notice me happy.

You're beginning to smile at me and I'm soaking up every bit.
Get her out of your head because she doesn't want in.
I am everything she's not but I'm just who you can't want.
We both know it can't happen. won't happen. won't let it.

Sometimes this seems a little too...comfortable.

My head is about to explode.

It has hurt all night.
but I received a headrub.
:]

Michelle and I are going to go to sleep now.
She's my BFF!
Too bad Jeesh couldn't share the night with us.

!

So you can tell I'm depressed because my weight has dropped to 117.
That's minus like 8.5 pounds.. and my eating habits haven't changed.
I haven't weighed this little since summer 2007.
Maybe the scale is broken but my boobs are ittybitty.

Fuck you!
I'm happy and I will kill anything that makes me otherwise.

Well

Yesterday was fun!
Oh and I watched Mirrors, it was kinda weird.

Bought blink tickets for the cinci show today.
If i can find people who are going to Indy, I might go to that one too.

I'm taking Picures of Baby Austin James todayyy! :D
Can't wait!

and i got the point that i should leave you alone
but we both know that I'm not that strong

I've been singing all day.
My throat is all cough-y and needs to clear.

I've also been sitting around all day not being productive at all whatsoever.

I really thought I was going to get that job.
I don't think I did though, Dan hasn't called me.
This sucks. I need a new job.

Life lately is like a random playlist.
1. I am listening to a slow and sad mayday parade song. and it put me in a certain mood and it ends and then
BAM

2. Soulja Boy is all up in my face and it puts me in a different mood.

3. then Paramore comes on and I suddenly feel like watching Twilight and I'm not even listening to "Decode."
While I'm thinking about how pissed I am that Paramore makes me think of Twilight. I start thinking of vampires and love stories and thinking about New Moon and when it comes out.
I start to think that I want to read the books to occupy my time lately, which i greatly need.

4. then Coldplay comes on and I think of Lizzy and Michelle. And how Michelle is in Kentucky and she doesn't have any service and I can't talk to her.
I start to get upset because I picked one of the saddest Coldplay songs ever to put on this random fucking playlist.
While I start thinking about people deciding not to be here by my side, I start to get really upset.

5. Then before my eyes start to turn sad Keri Hilson, Kanye West, and Ne-Yo come in and save the day and then I laugh because I need to get over this.
And I dance and sing the song. and Laugh about how the video is my life. and I start to get in a better mood fairly quickly.
I start to want to go hang out with my favorite people lately, who are Jessica, Michelle, and Reyes. But then i remember that Michelle is still gone and Jessica is hungover. And Reyes hung out with me last night so I wouldn't have to be by myself and I wouldn't get myself into a bad mood.
That plan is out.
Then I remember that Kanye West is amazing. And that i have to work in 2 hours and my day is fucking gone.

6. Have Heart starts playing and it makes me feel like driving with Jordan and I skip that song and go straight to Crime in Stereo.

7. Crime in Stereo makes me think of Whitney and being attached at the hip. And I realize we aren't friends again. and I don't remember when we stopped talking. The last time I talked to her she said she chose me over Jordan in the divorce and then she said she'd be at my open house and we would hang out the day after. Never saw her, never hung out with her. But the song is still so good.
And I recall that I loved it so much because I wanted to be there the day he gave up getting fucked up every day. And i won't be. And i think about how I am so much better off without him.

8. So Fuck You by Lily Allen starts. and i sing and sway and go back to thinking about Michelle being gone because she looks like Lily Allen. And i think about how Jessica still has my Katy Perry/Lily Allen CD. fucking hangover.

9. Then A day to remember plays and I realize that was one of the best concerts i've ever been to and i remember being hot and sweaty, then i remembered that i was supposed to be showering.

10. Same As Sunday is going to be famous.

Off to shower!

11:11

GO FUCK YOURSELF.
You are the most selfish person i have ever met in my entire life.

And I know you take that as a compliment.

But that's all I did was boost your ego.

You say i text you too much.
How do you go from texting someone every fucking day for 3 years to not at all?
You're so fucking heartless that i want to rip out that black fucking hole in your chest and then mail it to someone who will care about it as much as me.
Too bad no one EVER will. and Return to Sender it will always come.

You don't deserve anyone to care about you.
You are the meanest person to ever walk in my presence.
and all you want it to get your dick sucked.
you are not even a person.
You are a fucking monster.
and someone needs to kick the shit out of you.
and leave you how you left me.
and throw you out of their lives like you threw me.
You need to fucking grow up and stop smoking pot and playing video games.
You need to get a fucking life that doesn't involve the bad influences.

"I can't even be friends with you because of how you are. You obsess over stupid shit you see online and freak out and text me a hundred times"
You're right. and the fact that you post things that you fucking KNOW will upset me. just so you can have the satisfaction of upsetting me has nothing to do with it.
The fact that you can just wish at 11:11 for someone better than me to come along.
THERE IS NO ONE.
Yeah there may be someone hotter.
funnier.
prettier.
sluttier.
More Self-absorbed.
smarter (never mind, you don't really like the smart ones).
someone who will light your fucking blunt up for you.

but years from now. when you're fucking alone and tired of being a fucked up low life all the time.
You'll regret this.
you'll regret throwing away the only person who could have given you everything you ever wanted.
I could have given you everything.
and you threw it in my face and you fucking pissed on it.
You do the opposite of what will make the people who care about you happy.
Me. Your mom. Your friends.

Fuck you.
You'll never get away with treating people the way you do.
It will catch up to you eventually.

I'm tired of looking like a psycho to your best friend and your brothers.
You MADE me like this.
You asked for this when you started lying, sneaking around, ditching me to smoke pot.

I want someone to make you feel how you've made me feel.

You made a 180 turn in your personality.

You are not you.
You are him.
And that is all you ever wanted to be.
Congrats.

I'm done.