Tonight was wild.

I asked if his family would notice my absence on Christmas. (This Christmas would have been number 6).
"my grandma noticed on thanksgiving..."
I hadn't even thought about that. They won't even ask about me now.... They already know.
I started crying a lot.
For some reason that text about his grandma really hit me hard.
I was talking to my sisters about it, still crying... I look up at my oldest sister and she looks like she has just seen a ghost.
Someone walks into the house from the garage.
It was him. Just randomly showing up at my mom's house without any warning. Normally that would be okay, but tonight, this particular night... At this particular moment, he walked in unexpectedly.
He was stopping by mostly to say hello to my oldest sister and her husband, who are in town from Missouri.
Since I was crying, he asked what was wrong.
I had explained about the text and how it caught me off guard and I had lost it.
He gave me a hug, let me cry on his chest. I then gave a nervous laugh and apologized. He gave a nervous laugh back and said "you were around a long time. At least we know my grandma isn't losing it yet." that put a smile on my face.
I'm really tired of the universe giving me signs that he and I should be together. He's the one that needs the signs. I already know this and I have already known this. I've known this since the moment he came into my life... December 22, 2006. (I'm such a number freak).

How does life get so bad after being so good for so long? I'll never understand. I never wanted to be here. We were supposed to be the exception.