When I am able to understand my past decisions, i will be able to make better ones in my future.

Sometimes i believe too strongly in people and things that i feel i can do anything to, act any way toward, and they'll always be there.It's like i feel like i can always go back. They won't leave like I did. They won't get tired of my moods or of my feelings.
They'll understand my tone.
What if they said "no."
What if i was really alone and i had to face reality by myself, without hiding behind anyone.
Vulnerable.
What if i become the back up plan?
I never mean for the things that i allow to happen, to happen.
Words just roll off my tongue like a thunderstorm.
in the summer.
You know, when you're outside sweating and sitting having a lack of conversation on the front porch?
Then you hear a roll in the distance.
The sky is dry at the moment, but not for long.
This conversation is dry at the moment, well not for long.
Wait.
The downpour will be coming sooner than you had hoped for... or later than you expected to wait for.
The rain is warm but it hits your skin hard.
You can't tell if you want the rain because you've sweat out every ounce of moisture your body has produced but on the other hand, you're not too fond of see-through clothes.
You've tried for so long, you're out of motivation.
But after you find yourself soaked, with a see-through shirt, you're unhappy again.
Rains harder.
Pretty soon your hair is dripping and stringy, and your make up is down your face.
Decide.
Is is better to be where you are soaked or silent and in a drought?
Dance.
Laugh.
Make that person share this moment with you.
Together.
Be fucking happy for once and stop focusing on the fact that your spent a whole 3 minutes getting ready.
Make it a moment of relief and happiness instead of a downpour of emotions and feelings you can't handle.
Stop thinking of everything that has happened, and think of what you could make of this friendship in years to come.
Believe in something more than just the typically us.

This is jumpy and probably doesn't make any sense to anyone but me.
but i couldn't really care less.


Hey! Anyone remember when i looked like this?